Driving down the road a few days ago, I noticed a massive spool of orange tubing occupying the street corner. Thinking nothing of it at the time, I continued on my merry way, oblivious of the gravity of what I had just seen. A few days passed, and the incident had all but faded from my memory, when I noticed another massive orange spool, this time on a different corner. The gears started turning in my head, grinding out pieces of a puzzle which could mean the salvation of mankind if my meagre cerebral capacity could process it in time. If not, the earth faced certain doom.
As I turned another corner, I saw another spool, no longer innocently sitting on the street corner. This particular spool had unleashed its fearsome orange tentacles, burrowing into the ground for heaven knows what sinister purpose. A few brave men wearing hard hats and overalls were fighting the invader, trying in vain to pull the offending tentacles from the ground. Watching them struggle suddenly made the puzzle pieces fall into place.
I floored my car and sped home, keeping a vigil eye out for any more spools. To my absolute horror, I realised that they were everywhere. No matter which turn I took, there on the corner was yet another massive orange spool. Panic set in as I raced home, adrenalin destroying my driving ability and trashing my car, but it was a small price to pay for the salvation of mankind. As I turned the last corner, a lump sprang to my throat. Right there on my street, was yet another spool, its tentacles burrowing its way into the earth beneath my home. My worst fears had been realised. These were no innocent spools of cabling, they were alien beings, executing a well planned invasion. To make matters worse, the spools had changed from orange to red, signalling that the invasion was in full swing.
I instantly grabbed my cell phone and called the invasion hotline (0800 we r scrwd) and explained to the receptionist what was happening. She immediately put me through to a superhero who was best equipped to handle the emergency. Captain Blue Spool answered (Captain Orange Spool was on vacation), and I had barely finished explaining the situation before he leaped into action. Through the phone, I heard jet engines whining as he fired up his Spool Fighter, and within seconds he was streaking through the air, launching anti spool missiles at the invaders. His attacks struck with devastating efficiency, decimating their targets with sickening accuracy.
Minutes passed as the bombardment continued, and before long the dust was starting to settle. I looked out of my window as a warm feeling of victory filled my heart, only to see a group of men dressed in overalls and hard hats converge on my front lawn.
It was only then that I realised they were Neotel workers, installing their new lines. Therefore, I am writing this apology. In my zealous effort to defend the planet, I have inadvertently doomed the entire country to the monopoly of Telcom. I sincerely apologize.
P.S. Captain Blue Spool has been fired.
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