Not too long ago, me and three of my buddy, James, Johnny and Cameron, decided to build a robot akin to the ones we saw on television. I’m talking about the kind that you see in American shows with twirling blades and pounding hammers, which you pit against similar opponents in a battle ending in scrap parts.
We set about building our masterpiece, paying attention to every detail, from the magnesium alloy body, to the titanium blades designed to strike fear into the transistors of all who beheld our creation. Once our work was done, we entered our bot in an underground fight, and with Cameron at the controls we promptly witnessed our efforts reduced to nothing more than a pile of twisted metal.
Obviously, our design efforts were simply not good enough.
It was then that we sat down and started planning our new bot. It had to be fast, functional, and have a chaos factor that was off the charts.
Combining our talents, we came up with what we believed to be a winning combination. Being somewhat of a genius at bio engineering, James decided that we should build it like an animal. We chose a chupacabra, a beast with agility, strength, and ferocity unlike any being ever encountered on this planet, but due to my lack of artistic skills, it ultimately wound up looking like a spastic Labrador. Nevertheless, we were proud of our efforts, and decided to name it Tim.
Even though he looked quite strange, Tim was incredible. Powered by an experimental nuclear bettery, he had flamethrowers, titanium mandibles and crude oil dispensers attached to his abdomen. He could leap, bite, and spray oil over the floor like nobody’s business. While celebrating over a few drinks, my friend Johnny decided that Tim needed something more. If he was to be a truly invincible battle bot, Tim needed a personality. Being inebriated, Johnny put his mind to designing and installing an artificial intelligence for Tim. I’m sure it seemed like a good idea at the time, but none of us were prepared for what followed.
We activated a fully self aware Tim for the first time, letting him roam free under control of his new artificial brain, and it went well for a few minutes.
But then, suddenly, Tim went insane. He disregarded all of our efforts to control him and promptly devoured everything that stood in his path, including our buddy Cameron. All we could do was run. Tim’s artificial intelligence was simply beyond our capabilities to control.
As we hid in the trees, we could hear Tim causing carnage for miles around. Eventually it went quite and we emerged from hiding, sure that the nuclear Battery I had used to power Tim had run out. Unfortunately, my calculations were incorrect, as the last we heard Tim was leading a group of guerrilla fighters on some unpronounceable island. According to eyewitness reports, Tim had somehow built a pack of his own metal canines, and they were wreaking havoc on all who opposed them.
Although we still deny any involvement in the project, we are all very proud of Tim. Even though we miss Cameron, we know that Tim did not devour him on purpose, and we are still extremely happy that our metal baby was making his way in the world.
We miss you Tim, and we will always be proud of you.
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